Friday, 9 May 2014

In a nutshell................

- things been a bit full-on here since the New Year. I started divorce proceedings in January, they are still going on, have the decree nisi granted, the absolute at the end of this month. Things more than unpleasant here right now.  At the end of January,  Bean and Shaun announced they were getting married at Easter. He was in Plymouth, she in Winchester and his parents abroad.  Vast majority of planning and organising had to be done by me. Wedding was perfect, sunshine, friends, laughter, horse and carriage, great catering, lovely people, followed by honeymoon in Turkey. Divorce is rumbling along in the background............. I got admitted to hospital with potential heart problems after an argument with ex, luckily fairly quickly sorted out, but still on the BP pills.
My friend who lived next door got murdered in London a couple of weeks ago, leaving a lovely wife and two young children.  My mother (in a home after two strokes, blind and deaf now) has serious kidney problems. She died yesterday. Funeral is next week, some 300 miles away, throwing up a host of problems that I will have to deal with as they manifest themselves. Two friends I know of have been diagnosed with terminal cancers.
Life seems so unfair at times - not for me, because I am here and surrounded by friends who love and support me - but for others.

I light my candle for everyone I know.


Sunday, 4 May 2014

When Death Comes

When Death Comes

When death comes...
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;
when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

  • Mary Oliver